Adults with ADHD experience relationship breakdown at significantly higher rates than those without the condition, and a new specialist service in Sussex aims to change that. The Hove Counselling Practice has launched couples therapy explicitly designed for ADHD-related relationship challenges, now available in Brighton & Hove and online across Sussex.
The need is stark. A 2023 survey found that 87% of respondents with ADHD had experienced tension in relationships caused by their condition, while 70% had experienced a break-up due, or partly due, to ADHD.
"So many of the couples who come to me arrive convinced that one of them is the problem," says Claire Sainsbury, lead therapist at The Hove Counselling Practice. "But what we're usually looking at is two people caught in a cycle neither of them chose. The moment you can name ADHD as a difference rather than a character flaw, the blame begins to soften — and that's where real change becomes possible."
Relationships involving ADHD face higher failure rates because of three critical neurological mechanisms. Emotional dysregulation, a primary ADHD feature, affects conflict escalation by impairing the brain's capacity to pause between feeling an emotion and acting on it — what clinicians call the "stopgap deficit." Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is believed to affect a significant number of people with ADHD, triggering extreme emotional sensitivity when partners perceive rejection or criticism, even when none was intended. And the hyperfocus often experienced in the early stages of a relationship — a dopamine-driven state of intense romantic attention — can wane as novelty fades, leaving the non-ADHD partner feeling abandoned.
"These are not character flaws," Sainsbury emphasises. "They're neurological differences, and they respond to understanding rather than blame. When a couple finally has language for what's been happening between them, you can almost feel the relief in the room."
Couples experiencing these patterns often describe a parent-child dynamic, communication breakdown, and intimacy erosion. The non-ADHD partner gradually absorbs more household management, parenting, and planning, building resentment over time. Meanwhile, the ADHD partner experiences shame and a loss of adult autonomy. Arguments escalate with unexpected speed, or one partner becomes emotionally flooded while the other shuts down.
The practice draws on therapeutic modalities with measurable effectiveness. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a core modality used by The Hove Counselling Practice, has been shown in research to achieve recovery from distress in 70-75% of couples, with approximately 90% showing significant improvement. EFT addresses the emotional bond between partners, identifying and reshaping the attachment-driven cycles that trap couples in conflict. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) offers structured communication techniques and problem-solving frameworks, helping couples separate the person from their symptoms and reduce personal blame. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), recognised for its effectiveness in addressing emotional dysregulation and impulsivity, provides skills for distress tolerance and emotional regulation.
"I don't believe in a one-size-fits-all method," says Sainsbury. "Every couple is different, so I read each enquiry personally and think carefully about which approach — or which colleague — will genuinely serve them. That matching matters more than people realise."
Claire Sainsbury is an accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and a certified practitioner in EFT. Her integrative depth — the ability to combine EFT, CBT, and DBT for personalised treatment — distinguishes the practice from others across Brighton and Hove. Its neuroaffirming philosophy reframes ADHD not as a deficit to be corrected but as a difference to be understood, reducing the shame that often prevents ADHD partners from engaging fully in therapeutic work.
Specialist couples therapy is available at £110 per 55-minute session, Monday to Friday, 10am-9:30pm, designed to accommodate working schedules.
Sainsbury has a particular message for those still hesitating. "Most people who eventually reach out have been thinking about it for a long time, and they often apologise for taking so long," she says. "I tell them the opposite is true. The fact that you've been sitting with it means you already understand something important about your relationship. The pause isn't weakness — it's insight."
About The Hove Counselling Practice
The Hove Counselling Practice provides specialist, neuroaffirming couples and individual therapy in Brighton & Hove and online across Sussex. Led by Claire Sainsbury, the practice integrates Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy to support couples dealing with ADHD-related challenges.
More information is available at https://thehovecounsellingpractice.co.uk/adhd-therapy-brighton/