If it feels like you’ve been walking on eggshells around your teen lately, it’s likely because they’ve just hit puberty and are now experiencing all the “wonderful” things that come with it. While this is completely normal, it may leave you butting heads with your teen more often than not, which can be a rough time for everyone. While there’s nothing you can really do but wait it out, the approach you take can make a lot of difference.
It’s Just a Part of Growing Up
Moodiness is a normal phase of adolescence and is driven by physiological changes occurring in the teen’s body during puberty. Youth mental health experts from Clearfork Academy in Texas say that these developmental years trigger a surge in sex hormones that affect the limbic center in the brain, which controls the intensity of feelings; as a result, teens often experience more extreme emotions, resulting in emotional highs and lows that they are unable to regulate.
Additionally, the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking, impulse control, and emotional regulation—is not fully developed until age 25; feelings are completely controlled by the amygdala, the emotional response center in the brain.
What complicates things is that teens are biologically inclined to push for independence, which may manifest as defiance or moodiness. However, you can reduce the friction that these behaviors may cause by remaining calm and not taking anything personally.
How to Manage Moodiness
Instead of retaliating in anger, try setting boundaries without shaming your child, as this can provide them with structure during a time of emotional volatility. If you’re on the receiving end of your teen’s moodiness, say something like, “It’s not okay to speak to me that way. Let’s talk when things are calmer.” It’s a gentle yet firm approach that will leave no one with bitter feelings.
Additionally, don’t try to force your child to engage in a conversation before they are willing, since this might just cause them to push you away. When they are ready to talk, they should be allowed to vent and have their emotions validated; providing solutions too soon may also cause them to shut down.
Nevertheless, once the teen is open to suggestions, gently encourage healthier coping strategies to help them manage their emotions. Try offering examples from your own life to make it easier for your teen to visualize.
When Professional Help is Necessary
Finally, if moodiness becomes sadness or hopelessness that persists for more than two weeks, leads to withdrawal from friends, causes declining engagement in school, or results in self-harm or substance abuse, that’s a sign your teen may be struggling with mental health issues. These issues warrant professional care and should be addressed by a youth mental health specialist.
And parents… Don’t ever neglect your mental health either. Parenting a moody teen can be emotionally taxing. Reach out to other parents, support groups, etc. for some support if you need to. It can really help.